Living With Mother
Updated: Apr 27, 2020
As a mother and daughter I have become passionate about understanding the dynamics between mothers and daughters, what heals and harms that relationship, the generational themes and patterns that get passed down from grandmother to mother to daughter. When I was a teenager the relationship between my mother and myself became conflicted to the point where I moved out of home when I was 16.
Over the past 4 years I have found myself in the unique position of living with my mother (Oh the irony of life) Our household spreads over three generations, myself, my mother and my teenage daughter. Although it has been a great opportunity for self study, living with my mother as an adult has of course triggered memories of all the reasons and feelings of why I couldn’t wait to move away when I was a teenager.
I realised that in order to have a harmonious household I really needed to understand what had gone wrong between my mother and I, and why we had struggled to really listen and to understand each other in my teenage years. I needed to understand my mothers behaviour and where it was coming from. To do this I realised I needed to understand what had happened to the woman in my family, my grandmothers life and my mothers life. This has been the catalyst in helping me cope with living with my mother peacefully and harmoniously.
By understanding the beliefs and the themes that have been passed down from grandmother, to my mother and then passed down to me, I have learnt how to emotionally empower myself and learnt how to listen to myself and to meet my own needs. I may not be able to change my mother and the things she says and does, but I can change my reaction to her. By finding new ways that I can be listened to I have taken responsibility for myself and not made my mother, or daughter, responsible for meeting my own needs. I have worked hard on changing the harmful patterns so that I do not pass them on to my daughter so she can be free to be her own person.
I'm not suggesting any of this is easy, it is a daily practice, and one which I am grateful for. If I had not come to live with my mother in my adult years I would not have had this opportunity to move through the process of awareness, forgiveness and acceptance. Although our relationship may not be perfect, it is an easy one. I can happily shrug off what I know is not my stuff, and coming back with love is key.
I offer support to women who are working through their own relationships and provide a healing space for mothers and daughters with the tools to strip away negative self talk and beliefs, moving women forwards to a deeper place of wisdom and empowerment.
You can find out more about my mother and daughter coaching here: